function der ikke virker?

Jeg har følgende function som ikke virker

function print_main_menu(){

$menu = "News.Archives.Competitions.Gallery.Roster.Demos.Sponsors.History.Tagwall.Downloads";
$menu_item = "explode("." $menu)";
$menu_item_count = "count($menu_item)";

print("<table border=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" height=\"100%\" width=\"126\" align=\"center\" valign=\"top\">");
print(" <tr>");
print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"124\"></td>");
print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
print(" </tr>");
print(" <tr>");
print("  <td height=\"17\" width=\"1\"></td>");
print("  <td height=\"17\" width=\"124\"><img src=\"bg/main_menu.jpg\"</td>");
print("  <td height=\"17\" width=\"1\"></td>");
print(" </tr>");
print(" <tr>");
print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"124\"></td>");
print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
print(" </tr>");

  for($i = 1; $i <= $menu_item_count; $i++){
  print(" <tr>");
  print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
  print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"124\"></td>");
  print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
  print(" </tr>");
  print(" <tr>");
  print("  <td height=\"17\" width=\"1\"></td>");
  print("  <td height=\"17\" width=\"124\"><a href=\"index.php?side=$i\">$menu_item[$i]</a></td>");
  print("  <td height=\"17\" width=\"1\"></td>");
  print(" </tr>");
  print(" <tr>");
  print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
  print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"124\"></td>");
  print("  <td height=\"1\" width=\"1\"></td>");
  print(" </tr>");
  }
print("</table>");

}

hvorfor virker den ikke?
i mine øgne ser den meget fornuftig ud men jeg er også rat ny hvad angår de functioner som er brugt her...