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*"The characteristic of scientific progress is our knowing that we did not know."
--Gaston Bachelard (1884-1962); French philosopher.
* "To learn something new, take the path that you took yesterday."
--John Burroughs (1837 - 1921); US author, naturalist.
*"Better be proficient in one art than a smatterer in a thousand."
--Japanese proverb
*It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.
--Helen Walton
*"The two powers which constitute a wise man are those of bearing and forbearing."
--Epictetus (c. 55-c. 135); Greek Stoic philosopher.
*Faith and doubt both are needed, not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve.
--Lillian Smith
*Courage is being scared to death--and saddling up anyway.
--John Wayne
*"To handle silence is more difficult than to handle words."
--Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929); French politician.
*Recognize that you have the courage within you to fulfill the purpose of your birth. Summon forth the power of your inner courage and live the life of your dreams.
--Gurumayi
*"The past, though it cannot be relived, can always be repaired."
--John La Farge (1835-1910); U.S. artist.
*"The truth if not complete becomes an ally of falsehood."
--Javier Sadaba (1940); Spanish writer.
*"A work is never finished, it's just abandoned."
--Paul Valéry (1871-1945); French author.
*You should not suffer the past. You should be able to wear it like a loose garment, take it off and let it drop.
--Eva Jessye
*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
--Sufi epigram
*Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak, and at last some crisis shows us what we have become.
--Bishop Westcott
*Don't solve your problems, dissolve your problems - so that they should not recur again.
--Yogi Bhajan
*"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832); German poet, dramatist.
*A pleasure is not full grown until it is remembered.
--C.S. Lewis
*"All human power is a compound of time and patience."
--Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850); French author.
*Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
--Carl Bard
*"A little fact is worth a whole limbo of dreams."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) US philosopher, poet, essayist.
*There may be more to learn from climbing the same mountain a hundred times than by climbing a hundred different mountains.
--Richard Nelson
*"Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced -- even a proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it."
--John Keats (1795-1821); English poet.
*Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
--Harold Whitman
*"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882); US philosopher, poet, essayist.
*Values are like fingerprints. Nobody's are the same, but you leave 'em all over everything you do.
--Elvis Presley
*"The cruellest lies are often told in silence."
--Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-94); Scottish novelist, essayist.
*When we look into our own hearts and begin to discover what is confused and what is brilliant, what is bitter and what is sweet, it isn't just ourselves that we're discovering. We're discovering the universe.
--Pema Chodron
*In the pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught up.
--R.H. Grenville
*The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
--Kahlil Gibran
*"Ideas control the world."
--James A. Garfield (1831-1881) US president.
*To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle that any human being can fight--and never stop fighting.
--e.e. cummings
*"It is better to sow a new harvest than to cry for the one that was lost."
--Alejandro Casona (1903-1965); Spanish playwright.
*Success consists of getting up just one more time than you fall.
--Oliver Goldsmith
*"I shall the effect of this good lesson keep as watchman to my heart."
--William Shakespeare (1564-1616), English dramatist, poet.
*Go out into the world today and love the people you meet. Let your presence light new light in the hearts of people.
--Mother Teresa
*"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."
--Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Anglo-Irish play writer.
*The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of yourself.
--Victor Hugo
*"Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty."
--Lao-Tzu (6th century B.C.); Legendary Chinese philosopher.
*If you won't be better tomorrow than you were today, then what do you need tomorrow for?
--Rebbe Nachman of Breslov
*"Knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet."
--Lord Chesterfield 1694-1773, English statesman.
*To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.
--Johannes A. Gaertner
*To describe happiness is to diminish it.
--Henri Stendhal
*The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.
--George Bernard Shaw
*"Never meet trouble half way".
--John Ray (1627-1705); English naturalist.
*"Give me insight into today and you may have the antique and future worlds."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882); US philosopher, poet, essayist.
*"There is nothing like a dream to create the future."
--Victor Hugo (1802-1885); French writer.
*"The surest way to be deceived is to consider oneself cleverer than others."
--François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-80); French writer
*In our journey towards God, we proceed like those small birds whose flight is in loops. They always seem to be about to drop, but the drop in their flight seems to urge them forward.
--Gerard W. Hughes
*Unless you enter the tiger's den, you cannot take the cubs.
--Japanese proverb
*"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars."
--Les Brown, taler og forfatter
*"The inevitable never happens. It is the unexpected always."
--John Maynard Keynes, 1883-1946, British economist
*Don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.
--Anne Frank
*"Destiny...is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
--William Jennings Bryan (1860 - 1925); American lawyer and politician.
*I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more of it I seem to have.
--Coleman Cox
*Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you'll help them to become what they are capable of becoming.
--Goethe
*"There are certain moments when we might wish the future were built by men of the past".
--Jean Rostand (1894-1977); French biologist, writer.
*"Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve."
--Erich Fromm (1900-1980); U.S. psychologist.
*A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
--"Fats" Domino
*There's no success like failure, And failure's no success at all.
--Bob Dylan
*Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration.
--Thomas Alva Edison
*Hell, there are no rules here -- we're trying to accomplish something.
--Thomas Alva Edison
*Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
--Thomas Alva Edison
*Everything is permitted.
--Fyodor Dostoyevsky
*I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
--Walt Disney
*It's kinda fun to do the impossible.
--Walt Disney
*Middle age is youth without levity. And old age without decay.
--Daniel Defoe
*It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself.
--Salvador Dalí
*Picasso is a communist. Neither am I.
--Salvador Dalí
*Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen, even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.
--Leonardo Da Vinci
*Absence of proof is not proof of absence.
--Michael Crichton
*A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
--Winston Churchill
*A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
--Winston Churchill
*An aphorism is not an aphorism unless you know what it means.
--Winston Churchill
*Any man under 30 who is not a liberal has no heart, and any man over 30 who is not a conservative has no brains.
--Winston Churchill
*Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
--Winston Churchill
*I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.
--Winston Churchill
*I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
--Winston Churchill
*Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.
--Winston Churchill
*Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
--Winston Churchill
*The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
--Winston Churchill
*The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.
--Winston Churchill
*To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.
--Winston Churchill
*We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
--Winston Churchill
*When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
--Winston Churchill
*In the end, everything is a gag.
--Charlie Chaplin
*Vote early and vote often.
--Al Capone
*You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
--Al Capone
*War is not nice.
--Barbara Bush
*All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
--Buddha
*Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.
--Buddha
*Too much credit is given to the end result. The true lesson is in the struggle that takes place between the dream and reality. That struggle is a thing called life!
--Garth Brooks
*Grub first, then ethics.
--Bertolt Brecht
*What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
--Bertolt Brecht
*Why be a man when you can be a success?
--Bertolt Brecht
*Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true.
--Bertolt Brecht
*Every sentence that I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as a question.
--Niels Bohr
*The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
--Niels Bohr
*To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making.
--Otto von Bismarck
*Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
--Ingrid Bergman
*Nothing is more intolerable than to have to admit to yourself your own errors.
--Ludwig van Beethoven
*I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you.
--Louis Armstrong
*I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams
*All men naturally desire knowledge.
--Aristotle
*All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
--Aristotle
*It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
--Aristotle
*It is the mark of an educated mind to rest satisfied with the degree of precision which the nature of the subject admits and not to seek exactness where only an approximation is possible.
--Aristotle
*It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
--Aristotle
*The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead.
--Aristotle
*The gods too are fond of a joke.
--Aristotle
*The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons.
--Aristotle
*Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
--Aristotle
*Wit is educated insolence.
--Aristotle
*As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
--Albert Einstein
*Before God we are all equally wise -- and equally foolish.
--Albert Einstein
*Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
--Albert Einstein
*Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
--Albert Einstein
*Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
--Albert Einstein
*I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.
--Albert Einstein
*I don't know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
--Albert Einstein
*I never think of the future -- it will come soon enough.
--Albert Einstein
*I want to know the thoughts of God. Everything else is just details.
--Albert Einstein
*If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
--Albert Einstein
*Imagination is more important than knowledge.
--Albert Einstein
*It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
--Albert Einstein
*It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
--Albert Einstein
*Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy.
--Albert Einstein
*Mankind must give up war in the Atomic Era. What is at stake is the life or death of humanity.
--Albert Einstein
*My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
--Albert Einstein
*Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
--Albert Einstein
*Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
--Albert Einstein
*Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
--Albert Einstein
*Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
--Albert Einstein
*The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
--Albert Einstein
*The important thing is not to stop questioning.
--Albert Einstein
*The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
--Albert Einstein
*The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
--Albert Einstein
*The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
--Albert Einstein
*We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
--Albert Einstein
*Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from a cornfield.
--Dwight D. Eisenhower
*We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
--Dwight D. Eisenhower
*It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
--Euripides
*Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--Euripides
*'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
--W. C. Fields
*Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
--W. C. Fields
*I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
--W. C. Fields
*If at first you don't succeed, try, and try again. Then give up. There's no sense in being a damned fool about it.
--W. C. Fields
*Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.
--W. C. Fields
*Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
--W. C. Fields
*Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
--Henry Ford
*Money is like an arm or leg: use it or lose it.
--Henry Ford
*Whether you think that you can or that you can't, you are usually right.
--Henry Ford
*You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
--Henry Ford
*Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
--Benjamin Franklin
*If a man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
--Benjamin Franklin
*If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again; and what we call time enough always proves little enough.
--Benjamin Franklin
*In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Life's tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late.
--Benjamin Franklin
*They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Well done is better than well said.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Wise men don't need advice; fools don't take it.
--Benjamin Franklin
*Anatomy is destiny.
--Sigmund Freud
*The great question -- which I have not been able to answer -- is, "What does a woman want?"
--Sigmund Freud
*I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
--Galileo Galilei
*An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*I think it would be a good idea.
--Mahatma Gandhi (when asked what he thought of Western civilization)
*In prayer, it is better to have a heart without words than words without heart.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*There is more to life than increasing its speed.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*We must become the change we want to see.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
--Mahatma Gandhi
*How can you expect to govern a country that has two hundred and forty-six kinds of cheese?
--Charles de Gaulle
*Never mistake motion for action.
--Ernest Hemingway
*Nothing endures but change.
--Heraclitus
*The people must fight for their laws as for their walls.
--Heraclitus
*By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
--Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf
*I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few.
--Adolf Hitler
*The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.
--Adolf Hitler
*Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see Paradise as Hell; and also the other way around, to consider the most wretched sort of life as Paradise.
--Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf
*What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
--Adolf Hitler
*Justice is incidental to law and order.
--J. Edgar Hoover
*A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour.
--Elbert Hubbard
*A friend is someone who knows all about you and and still likes you.
--Elbert Hubbard
*A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.
--Elbert Hubbard
*An enemy is anyone who tells the truth about you.
--Elbert Hubbard
*Don't take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
--Elbert Hubbard
*If a feller says, "It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing," it's the money.
--Elbert Hubbard
*If you suffer, thank God! It is a sure sign that you are alive.
--Elbert Hubbard
*People who never do any more than they get paid for never get paid for any more than they do.
--Elbert Hubbard
*Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
--Elbert Hubbard
*The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
--Elbert Hubbard
*You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.
--Elbert Hubbard
*Money may be the husk of many things, but not the kernel. It buys you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness.
--Henrik Ibsen
*You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.
--Henrik Ibsen
*Be polite to all, but intimate with few.
--Thomas Jefferson
*Delay is preferable to error.
--Thomas Jefferson
*Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.
--Thomas Jefferson
*I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
--Thomas Jefferson
*I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.
--Thomas Jefferson
*I live for books.
--Thomas Jefferson
*It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself.
--Thomas Jefferson
*It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation, that gives happiness.
--Thomas Jefferson
*The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive.
--Thomas Jefferson
*When angry, count to ten before you speak; when very angry, a hundred.
--Thomas Jefferson
*Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is its own troubles.
--Jesus Christ, (Matthew 6:34)
*If someone had told me I would be pope one day, I would have studied harder.
--Pope John Paul I
*Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
--John F. Kennedy
*And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.
--John F. Kennedy, inaugural speech, 1961
*I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty.
--John F. Kennedy
*If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.
--John F. Kennedy
*It was involuntary. They sank my boat.
--John F. Kennedy, (comment when asked about his heroism)
*Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.
--John F. Kennedy
*Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in education.
--John F. Kennedy
*Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
--John F. Kennedy
*Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.
--John F. Kennedy
*Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
--Robert F. Kennedy
*Life is short. Live it up.
--Nikita Khrushchev, New York Times Magazine, August 3, 1958
*Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
--Nikita Khrushchev
*All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
*In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
*The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
*The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
--Henry Kissinger
*The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to ascribe to the other side a consistency, foresight and coherence that its own experience belies. Of course, even two blind men can do enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.
--Henry Kissinger
*There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
--Henry Kissinger
*University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
--Henry Kissinger
*A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
--Lao Tsu
*A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
--Lao Tsu
*He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
--Lao Tsu
*The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.
--Lao Tsu
*Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.
--Bruce Lee
*Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
--John Lennon
*I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back.
--Abraham Lincoln
*If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
--Abraham Lincoln
*It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
--Abraham Lincoln
*Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
--Abraham Lincoln
*Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
--Abraham Lincoln
*The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
--Abraham Lincoln
*The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty.
--Abraham Lincoln
*Do, or do not. There is no try.
--George Lucas
*When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat.
--Nelson Mandela
*Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.
--Mao Tse-Tung
*Philosophers have merely interpreted the world. The point is to change it.
--Karl Marx
*Religion is the opium of the masses.
--Karl Marx
*I never know how much of what I say is true.
--Bette Midler
*Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision?
--Marilyn Monroe
*Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
--Mother Teresa
*The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
--Mother Teresa
*We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
--Mother Teresa
*Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
--Mickey Mouse
*America is a fortunate country. She grows by the follies of our European nations.
--Napoleon
*History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
--Napoleon
*Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.
--Napoleon
*If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
--Isaac Newton
*A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great intrinsic depravity, the one great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, petty -- I call it the one mortal blemish of mankind.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*Plato was a bore.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*Wisdom sets bounds even to knowledge.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
*Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
--Robert J. Oppenheimer
on Albert Einstein
*I am become death, shatterer of worlds.
--Robert J. Oppenheimer
quoting the Bhagavadgita after witnessing the first nuclear explosion
*Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail.
--Luciano Pavarotti
*Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth.
--Pablo Picasso
*Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist after one grows up.
--Pablo Picasso
*Everything you can imagine is real.
--Pablo Picasso
*Give me a museum and I'll fill it.
--Pablo Picasso
*Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
--Plato
*Bodily exercise, when compulsory, does no harm to the body; but knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.
--Plato
*Necessity is the mother of invention.
--Plato
*The beginning is the most important part of the work.
--Plato
*Thinking is the soul talking to itself.
--Plato
*Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
--Plato
*To err is human, to forgive divine.
--Alexander Pope
*I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
--Elvis Presley
*I once played a sheriff who thought he could do the job without a gun. I was dead in twenty-seven minutes of a thirty minute show.
--Ronald Reagan
*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
--Ronald Reagan
*No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
--Eleanor Roosevelt
*A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.
--Franklin D. Roosevelt
*The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
--Franklin D. Roosevelt
*Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
--Theodore Roosevelt
*To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.
--Theodore Roosevelt
*As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.
--Socrates
*Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
--Socrates
*My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
--Socrates
*The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.
--Socrates
*True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.
--Socrates
*A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is statistics.
--Josef Stalin
*Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
--Igor Stravinsky
*Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.
--Sun Tzu
*Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
--Sun Tzu
*I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
--Harry S. Truman
*If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
--Harry S. Truman
*It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
--Harry S. Truman
*Men don't change. The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know.
--Harry S. Truman
*Men make history, and not the other way around. In periods where there is no leadership, society stands still. Progress occurs when courageous, skillful leaders seize the opportunity to change things for the better.
--Harry S. Truman
*When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
--Harry S. Truman
*A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.
--Mark Twain
*A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
--Mark Twain
*All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure.
--Mark Twain
*Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
--Mark Twain
*Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.
--Mark Twain
*Be good and you will be lonesome.
--Mark Twain
*Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.
--Mark Twain
*Facts, or what a man believes to be facts, are delightful... Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
--Mark Twain
*Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
--Mark Twain
*Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
--Mark Twain
*Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.
--Mark Twain
*Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--Mark Twain
*I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
--Mark Twain
*I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
--Mark Twain
*I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
--Mark Twain
*I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know."
--Mark Twain
*I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
--Mark Twain
*If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
--Mark Twain
*If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
--Mark Twain
*In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
--Mark Twain
*It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
--Mark Twain
*It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
--Mark Twain
*Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
--Mark Twain
*Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.
--Mark Twain
*Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.
--Mark Twain
*Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
--Mark Twain, inscription beneath his bust in the Hall of Fame
*Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
--Mark Twain
*Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.
--Mark Twain
*Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.
--Mark Twain
*Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
--Mark Twain
*The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
--Mark Twain
*The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
--Mark Twain
*The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
--Mark Twain
*Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
--Mark Twain
*A witty saying proves nothing.
--Voltaire
*All men are equal; it is not birth, but virtue alone, that makes the difference.
--Voltaire
*Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
--Voltaire
*God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
--Voltaire
*I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.
--Voltaire
*I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.
--Voltaire
*I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.
--Voltaire
*It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
--Voltaire
*Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
--Voltaire
*The superfluous is very necessary.
--Voltaire
*Every dogma must have its day.
--H. G. Wells
*Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
--H. G. Wells
*A cynic is one who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
--Oscar Wilde
*A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
--Oscar Wilde
*America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
--Oscar Wilde
*Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
--Oscar Wilde
*Education is an admirable thing, but nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
--Oscar Wilde
*I am not young enough to know everything.
--Oscar Wilde
*I can resist everything except temptation.
--Oscar Wilde
*I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
--Oscar Wilde
*I was asked by the customs if I had anything to declare. I said: Yes, I'd like to declare -- I'm a genius!
--Oscar Wilde
*In life, we are all in the gutter. Some of us just tend to look up at the stars.
--Oscar Wilde
*Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
--Oscar Wilde
*Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
--Oscar Wilde
*Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
--Oscar Wilde
*The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
--Oscar Wilde
*The only thing that men and women have in common, is that they both prefer the company of men.
--Oscar Wilde
*The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
--Oscar Wilde
*The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
--Oscar Wilde
*The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
--Oscar Wilde
*There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, the other is getting it.
--Oscar Wilde
*Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
--Oscar Wilde
*Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
--Oscar Wilde
*"The weather is raw and boisterous in winter, shifty and ungenial in summer and downright meteorological purgatory in spring."
--Robert Louis Stevenson, about Scotland
*"Edinburgh is a cross between Copenhagen and Barcelona except in Copenhagen they speak more understandable English."
--John Malkovitch
*Time is a great circle; there is no beginning, no end. All returns again and again, forever.
--From the Linda Lay Shulers book: She who Remembers
*Life is not a strait line. These words are spoken by people with life experience. But the words are positive. If life really was a strait line, how would it be....
*First Law of Debate: Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.
*Music is just like sex and candy...........
--Words thought by Paragurt Rock Tours.
*Parkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the time alloted it.
Karl's version of Parkinson's Law: Work expands to exceed the time alloted it.
*The customer can count on us to efficiently enhance economically sound methods of empowerment in order to solve business problems
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*The customer can count on us to enthusiastically maintain unique services and efficiently restore interdependent paradigms to meet our customer's needs
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We envision to quickly provide access to performance based benefits for 100% customer satisfaction
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*The customer can count on us to seamlessly network scalable resources to set us apart from the competition
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It is our business to enthusiastically create effective materials for 100% customer satisfaction
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*The customer can count on us to proactively integrate value-added opportunities because that is what the customer expects
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We envision to completely leverage existing corporate intellectual capital
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It is our job to interactively coordinate parallel information to allow us to efficiently create multimedia based methods of empowerment
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Our challenge is to conveniently administrate world-class deliverables for 100% customer satisfaction
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Our goal is to collaboratively facilitate error-free benefits in order to solve business problems
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Our challenge is to collaboratively restore professional benefits and enthusiastically leverage other's virtual infrastructures while promoting personal employee growth
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It is our job to collaboratively revolutionize world-class benefits in order that we may professionally administrate principle-centered information for 100% customer satisfaction
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It is our business to enthusiastically simplify performance based data so that we may endeavor to authoritatively supply effective information while maintaining the highest standards
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We exist to professionally foster effective content to allow us to conveniently supply principle-centered leadership skills to set us apart from the competition
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It's our responsibility to authoritatively provide access to timely paradigms in order to dramatically leverage other's business technology
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We exist to collaboratively network error-free opportunities because that is what the customer expects
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It's our responsibility to dramatically create cost effective solutions to allow us to conveniently revolutionize cutting edge opportunities because that is what the customer expects
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Our mission is to continue to completely integrate corporate solutions so that we may interactively maintain cost effective resources because that is what the customer expects
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It's our responsibility to seamlessly leverage existing emerging products as well as to completely integrate prospective benefits while promoting personal employee growth
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Our mission is to collaboratively administrate performance based leadership skills and efficiently coordinate high standards in solutions to stay competitive in tomorrow's world
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*The customer can count on us to professionally promote diverse data as well as to seamlessly disseminate performance based sources
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We have committed to quickly revolutionize performance based resources so that we may efficiently leverage existing timely meta-services in order to solve business problems
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We exist to synergistically build prospective deliverables in order to solve business problems
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We envision to globally enhance market-driven technology in order to efficiently maintain business leadership skills
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*The customer can count on us to synergistically pursue inexpensive catalysts for change so that we may endeavor to collaboratively disseminate timely meta-services to meet our customer's needs
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*It's our responsibility to synergistically foster resource-leveling intellectual capital so that we may efficiently maintain professional information to stay competitive in tomorrow's world
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We have committed to continually customize scalable meta-services
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Our goal is to authoritatively maintain ethical information and seamlessly enhance timely products while maintaining the highest standards
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We exist to conveniently disseminate resource-leveling meta-services so that we may endeavor to collaboratively network high standards in catalysts for change to stay competitive in tomorrow's world
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*We seamlessly create corporate paradigms to allow us to competently coordinate unique solutions
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www.dilbert.com*Our mission is to continue to assertively engineer emerging opportunities as well as to efficiently fashion long-term high-impact services
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www.dilbert.com*We strive to efficiently leverage existing long-term high-impact infrastructures in order that we may continually facilitate low-risk high-yield products
--A Catbert mission statement from
www.dilbert.com*Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
*"She drank a lot and when they went upstairs, she led him into her bedroom and made passionate love to him."
--From Ian Flemings book Casion Royale.
*"What would I do without you Miss Moneypenny?"
--James Bond.
*"Now, Pay attention double-0 seven!"
--Q.
*"I have lived not too long, but too much"
--Ian Fleming.
*Hartley's Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you get him to float on his back, you've got something.
*A heart is not to play with,
a heart is not a toy.
But if you want it broken,
just give it to a boy......
*"I intend to live forever - so far, so good..!"
*ONE rose
ONE kiss
ONE love
*"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
--Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943.
*It's about drugs "Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you are still nowhere near it".
It's about sex "I havn't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978".
It's about friendship "Yeah, the guy is a psycho, but it's true he's a mate as well, so what can you do?".
It's about being Scottish "It's shite being Scottish".
And it's about life "Well, at one time you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life; Georgie Best, for example, had it and lost it...."
--Trainspotting.
*"You can't build products on a theory. Because the product you're making is real. And if it stinks, it stinks. And no one will buy it."
--From the Michael Crichton novel, Disclosure (Mark Lewyn).
*Satan is glad - when I am bad,
And hopes that I - with him shall lie
In fire and chains - and dreadful pains.
--Victorian child's poem, 1856.
*"I wanted the money."
--Edward Pierce, 1856.
*Anything that happens, happens.
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.
It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.
--From the Douglas Adams novel, Mostly Harmless.
*Arthur Dents two special prayers:
"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decide not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen."
And the anti prayer:
"Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen."
--From the Douglas Adams novel, Mostly Harmless.
*B.T.O.Y.A.
Be There Or it's Your Ass.
--From the Michael Crichton novel, Airframe.
*Law, without force, is impotent.
--Pascal
*When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.
--Edmund Burke.
*There is only two types of data: Backed-up data, and data that hasn't been lost yet.
--3M.
*"According to the law of Scotland (which is quite different from the law of England) you are not allowed to make water in public or whisky in private!"
--Jack House
*When a man breaks up with a woman she will write a poem called 'I hate all men', then get on with her life.
When a woman breaks up with a man he will inevitably at, at least one stage in his life still be calling her at 03:00 in the morning 6 months later just to tell her she has ruined his life.
Nobody knows why this is so.
*"We keep passing unseen through little moments of other people's lives"
--From the Robert M Pirsig book: Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.
*Remember when drinking you are not running from reality.
It's running from you.
*The more experience and insight I obtain into human nature, the more convinced do I become that the greater portion of a man is purely animal.
--Henry Morton Stanley, 1887
*A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
*If it weren't for pick-pockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
*During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
*One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, what are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."
*It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
*When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father .... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could....but he pulled through.
*Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
*Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
*It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
*The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
*It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
*The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
*Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticise, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
*A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
*Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
*Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
*Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
*Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
*How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
*What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
*Australian foreplay: "Sheila, you awake?"
*I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*Are there keys to a plane? Maybe that's what those delays are sometimes, when you're just sitting there at the gate. Maybe the pilot sits up there in the cockpit going, "Oh, I don't believe this. Dammit.. I did it again." They tell you it's something mechanical because they don't want to come on the P.A. system, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be delayed here on the ground for a while. I uh.. Oh, God this is so embarrassing...I, I left the keys to the plane in my apartment. They're in this big ashtray by the front door. I'm sorry, I'll run back and get them."
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?", "Oh about 20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get off work?" "Around 3 miles."
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*The Chalk Outline guy's got a good job. Not too dangerous, the criminals are long gone. I guess these are people who wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn't draw very well. "Uh, listen, Jon, forget the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body right there on the sidewalk you could manage to trace around it?" How does that help them solve the crime? They look at the thing on the ground, "Oh, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement....the killer must have been...Jim."
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*I had a parakeet that used to fly around the house and crash into these huge mirrors my mother put in. Ever heard of this interior design principle, that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy that looks just like me in there." But the parakeet would fall for this. I'd let him out of his cage, he'd fly right into the mirror. And I'd always think, "Even if he thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting the other parakeet?"
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. "Well, Bill, the boss thinks you're the man for the job. Why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be working with?"
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*Men and women all in all, behave just like our basic sexual elements. If you watch single men on a weekend night they really act very much like sperm - all disorganized, bumping into their friends, swimming in the wrong direction. "I was first." "Let me through." "You're on my tail." "That's my spot." They're like the Three Billion Stooges. But the egg is very cool: "Well, who's it going to be? I can divide. I can wait a month. I'm not swimming anywhere."
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy...Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it." Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. Sometimes, the car ends up on the side of the road, hood up and smoke pouring out of the engine. He's sitting on the curb all alone, "I guess I didn't realise how many miles I was racking up."
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.
--Jerry Seinfeld.
*"We are going to try a Yankee dodge to make men insensible"
--Robert Liston, 1846, before he performed his first operation with the help of anaesthesia.
*"To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy"
--Hippocrates.
*The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
*A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
*Half of the people in the world are below average.
*I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is getting better.
*Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake when you make it again.
*Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
--Mark Twain
*Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realise how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
*The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
--Salvador Dali
*The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
--William Clayton
*Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...
The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
*Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
*I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
*Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
*The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's history....We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
--Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican
*Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.
--Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"
*The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
--Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
*I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
--Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries
*After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
--Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
*Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
--Steve Bluestone
*Have you ever noticed... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
--George Carlin
*I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
--Rita Rudner
*I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.
--Sue Kolinsky
*I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
--Carol Leifer
*The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
--Jackie Gleason
*I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
--Jay Leno
*I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
--Mike Binder
*Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
--Stephen Leacock
*The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
--Roger Simon
*You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
--Pearl Williams
*I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
--Dave Edison
*If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
--George Gobel
*"1000 feet beneath the sea, the blackest holes are in the mind...."
--From the Michael Crichton novel, Sphere.
*"You can't fool nature."
--Richard Feynmann
*"The survival value of human intelligence has never been satisfactorily demonstrated."
--Jeremy Stone
*"Increasing vision is increasingly expensive."
--R. A. Janek
*"What really interests me is whether god had any choice in the creation of the world."
--Albert Einstein
*Marvin the paranoid Android's Lullaby:
Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night.
--From the Douglas Adams book: The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy A Trilogy in four parts.
*"Working with computers has made us look closely at how people think"
--Dr. Jerome Grossman.
*DISCLAIMER: If you find this message offensive, immoral or in any other way politically incorrect, you are probably an American!
*And the men shall come singing from the fields, for they have provided for their own.
--English proverb
*"Algebra is easier than love"
--Freely after Marillion
*"The only good thing about the spice girls is that you can watch them with the sound turned down"
--George Harrison
*Why is it, that every fucking time I get to know a girl, where we are on the same wavelengths, she is halfway engaged!!
- Answer: Somebody has been there before me.
*"This morning, just after 11:00, Michael locked himself in his office and he won't come out."
--From the Douglas Coupland book: Microserfs.
*Prediction 1
In the future, authors will take a long time to get to the point. That way the book looks thicker.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 2
In the future, you will wish I had never put the image in your head of me doing jumping jacks in an open kimono.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 3
On average, Induhviduals who are alive today will experience 80 years of complaint-free living. Unfortunately, they'll live to 160.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 4
The people who are studying Tai Chi Chuan instead of saving money are planning to beat us up and take our stuff when we're retired.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 5
The people who are alive today will appear grotesque to the perfectly engineered children of the future.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 6
In the future, we will accelerate our successful practice of brainwashing children so they'll be nice to us while we plunder this planet.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 7
Life in the future will NOT be like Star Trek
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 8
In the future, there will be a huge market for technology products that help workers goof off and still get paid.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 9
In the future, Internet capacity will increase indefinitely to keep up with the egos of the people using it. Cost will not be an issue.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 10
In the future, your clothes will be smarter than you.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 11
In the future, Network computers will be purchased and used with the same enthusiasm as home exercise equipment.
--From the Scott Adams book: The Dilbert future.
*Prediction 12
In the future, ISDN will i
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